december 14, 2013

I think about it all the fucking time and i sit there and i think about how much of a fucking idiot i was for letting the one person who wouldn’t fucking tear me apart walk away. I sit in my room and i cry because i know we’ll never be the same because I had to fucking ruin it. I just want you to know I ruin everything good in my fucking life so it wasn’t you. I never intended on hurting you i promise i just needed to be alone because I knew id fuck it up and now that were fine you still think about it and its a constant reminder that i’ll never be able to take it back. I know you think that it took nothing for me to walk away, that I did it just because I wanted to. I did it because I had to because I wasn’t stable and if I could barely hold myself up how could I possibly hold the both of us up? I dated other guys but it never meant that in my heart you were still there absorbing every last ounce I had left. I could stand to date them after what happened between us because I knew I could never love them the way I loved you so they never had a complete grasp on my life and heart that they couldn’t tear me down the way you could. Im so sorry I know I can never make it up to you. I decided to write these in case one day I have the courage to fix things completely even though these wont maybe one day I can show you how fucked up my mind is. i’m sorry i really do love you.